The Pain of Helplessness
by eelgirl13
Summary: There is nothing worse than the feel of being useless. It's with her everyday. -Oneshot-


The Pain of Helplessness

_I do not own Bleach._

Sometimes, the reason is not what you think…

Orihime Inoue

…

She came back, with no change in behavior, as if the past few months had not happened. She was happy, carefree, and that was what scared them all.

She knew what they thought. They were worried that she was permanently scarred for life because of her time in Hueco Mundo. They thought she acted like this to hide that fact. They dared not breach the subject in fear of hurting her, bringing up locked away memories.

It was not that. She never felt fear from even hearing the word Hueco Mundo. She wasn't afraid of hollows. She didn't lock up the memories, but much rather kept them fresh, anew.

This helped her remember her true pain. The true cause of her put up front.

Why was she unable to protect? Why did she need to be saved all the time?

...

She wanted to become stronger. Rukia had helped her there, had spent hours with her, practicing both her defense and her offense. She had learned a lot, and thought she could take her place on the battlefield, right next to Kurosaki and Ishida. Yet she was still pushed aside by them, told to stay on the sidelines and only act when needed.

...

Her capture had not fazed her; instead, she had vowed to use it to her advantage. They needed a spy from the inside. She could be that spy, pretending to be the helpless prisoner while secretly learning as much as she could about the barren world and of Aizen's plans. Then, when she finally escaped, she would tell the Soul Society all her findings. That was how she could be of use. Rejecting the Hogyoku would be an added bonus.

However, she could not even do that. She could not bring herself to overtake her captors, make observations of her surroundings, to attempt to escape. When she heard of her friends coming to her rescue, she was unhappy to feel relieved. She did not want to be the victim, but the rescuer. However, here she was, needing rescue.

...

As she learned more about the hollows around her, she began to feel sorrow. The Espadas had all been humans once, but merely went down the wrong path. She was a little angry at the Soul Society, for being so incapable of their jobs, that these people who just wanted to find peace in their deaths, were forced to join Aizen just so they could survive in the hollow eat hollow world. She promised herself to help them, to do something so other dead spirits would not have to undergo the pain of not being saved, of being left alone to turn into a monster.

Yet…

He had extended her hand to her. That was her chance to help, to bring peace to one of those who had suffered. She was afraid.

...

She was weak. She had almost no power. She could do almost nothing. She was not an offensive fighter, her defense was weak, and even healing took a lot of her energy. She was-to put it simply…

Dead weight.

Useless.

A princess that needed saving.

She kept silent. She put on a happy demeanor, went back to her old, clueless, klutzy, ditsy self in hopes of hiding her true pain. Secretly, she would work for power and strength. If there ever were a next time, she would be stronger. She would be able to help. She would be able to protect.

Cause being helpless wasn't the best feeling out there.

…

Yeah, so I hope you liked this. This is the product of a tired with a headache girl. I guess I needed to take a break, so I was rereading some Bleach. Came up with this while thinking about Orihime's behavior. I mean, you guys had to be curious too right? This is a bit choppy, and possibly confusing, and it's all over the place. Hey, I tried my best!

On a totally unrelated note, anyone know of a cool site that has Ascii lines on it? Like those really cool line breaks? Cause I'm too lazy to make one myself.

FanArt: http: / eelgirl13. deviantart. com/art/ The-Pain-of-Helplessness -189594605 (no spaces)

Leave a review. That would be nice.

Yeah. Till then I guess.

~~~EeLgIrL (T_T)


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